Ninety Miles an Hour 7

I walked up to Gou's door and knocked.  I wasn't sure if she was up yet, but I had to talk to her.  I had actually gone home that weekend, after everything with Sousuke that morning, I just couldn't stay in that room.  I really needed to talk to someone and I just couldn't go to the people I normally turn to.  It would still be weird for a while to talk to Sousuke, but I couldn't just run to Makoto's arms.  That wouldn't be fair to either of them.  So there I stood, knocking at Gou's door.

Finally she opened it.  She was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes when she looked up, "Onii-chan!  You came home?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to come back," without waiting for her to say anything, I pushed my way into her room.  I went to the desk chair and plopped down.

Gou turned to look at me, "Onii-chan, is something wrong?"

I slumped forward in my chair, "Sousuke and I... we split up..."

"Onii-chan!  I'm so sorry!"  Gou ran over and hugged me before sitting on her bed across from me, "What happened?"

"It's a long story," I wimped out.   But  Gou gave me a look that said that my response wasn't nearly enough, so I said, "Sousuke said that he wanted me to be happy...  He said he knew that there was someone else I loved," just mentioning what happened again was difficult, each word got harder to say, "And he said that I should go be with them instead..."

"Onii-chan..."  Gou looked at me.  I could tell that she didn't know what to say.

"I didn't think we'd end up separating over this...  I thought we would deal with it like we always had..."

Gou looked me in the eye before saying, "About what Sousuke said to you... is it true?"

I looked at her for a moment, hesitant to respond.  I took a deep breath and said, "It is.  There is someone else I love.  But that doesn't mean that I don't love Sousuke."

A brief silence fell over the room before Gou asked, "So who is it?"

"Huh?"

"Who is it?  The other person you love?  Do I know them?"

"I don't think I should say."

"I do know them!  Is it Haruka-senpai?"  Gou leaned closer, waiting for my answer.

"No," I tried to keep my answer short.

"Hmm..." Gou frowned, to herself she said, "Could it be? No... but who else would it be?"

"What are you thinking Gou?" I had to know what she was talking about.

"Makoto."  Gou smiled at me.

"Huh?" I just looked at her.  I was pretty sure where she was going with this, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong.

"Is it Makoto?  The one you love?"  Gou looked at me seriously.

I leaned back, pausing before I said, "Yeah..."

"Onii-chan!"  A pouty expression covered Gou's face, "Tell me about it."

I sighed, there was no stopping this.  Besides, I was the one who wanted to talk about what was going on.  I started, "Well actually, I haven't told you this but we've... actually hooked up a couple times."

"What?! When?"  Gou demanded more from me.

"It was after Samezuka's end of year party and again the other day..."

"And so that's why Sousuke..." Gou couldn't quite finish her sentence.

I knew what she wanted to know, so I answered anyway, "Not exactly...  Things with Makoto... they kind of started when we saw each other again when I came back to Japan.  He had always been so kind and gentle and I think I just started seeing him a different way.  But I hadn't ever really thought about it until recently.  I kept wanting him more and I fought it for so long, but that night at the party...  And then after that I tried to distance myself because I was with Sousuke and he's with Haru but I couldn't help falling right back to him."

"Onii-chan..." Gou's face melted into a smile, "I don't think I've ever heard you talk like this."  I just leaned farther back in the chair and clicked my tongue.  Gou went on, "You know, I'm sure he feels the same way.  Lately he seemed different at practice and after what you said, I'm sure that's why.  He seems happier with-"

"Stop," I cut her off, I couldn't let her finish the thought, "Please.  I think I know how he feels but there's still Haru and worse than that, we're graduating.  We're both going different ways... even if we got together now, what would we do?  Be with each other for a few days, maybe a week?  And then what?"

"Well..." Gou interjected.

"And long distance relationships rarely work out.  It'll be hard enough to say goodbye as it is...  Maybe we just weren't meant to be..." I trailed off.  It hurt to say but it was true.  We were going separate ways and we wouldn't see each other.  We both wanted different things so we should just let this go, move on.   I knew in my heart that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't just move on, not so easily.  I felt my eyes start to water so I closed my eyes.

"Onii-chan," the tone of Gou's voice made me look up.  Her face was dead serious as she said, "I never believed in fate."