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Literature Text
“Dad, can I not go back to school next year?” I plead with him.
He looked down at me, “Why?”
“I just don’t want to,” I shrugged. I didn’t really want to answer.
“Alex, what are you not telling me?” my dad insists on getting the reason out of me.
“I just don’t like the people there,” I pause and look away, “They act like I’m some kind of freak.”
My dad rests his hands on my arms, “Listen to me Alex, you are no freak. You’re a normal and wonderful human being. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“It’s just that everyone stares at me and says there goes the test-tube baby. People think I’m weird just because I actually have two dads,” I spill all of what’s troubling me to my dad. I haven’t told him this before even though it’s been going on for a while.
“If anyone bullies you, you tell me because we’ll deal with this together. You understand that,” I’ve never heard my dad sound so serious. I just nod. I actually don’t know what to do about it. Because I’m in high school after all if anyone picks on me, it wouldn’t exactly help to have my dad come.
Just then my other dad comes home from work. “Hey Gee, hey Alex,” he comes in and sits down on the couch. Immediately, he can tell that something’s going on.
“Hey Frankie,” dad sits down next to him and kisses him before whispering in his ear. Daddy, that’s what I call Frank because it gets too confusing if I call them both dad, nods slowly and looks at me.
Cautiously, Daddy asks, “How bad are other people at school? Have they escalated at all?”
“No, they haven’t,” I say and both Dad and Daddy look extremely relieved.
“Bullying is no laughing matter,” Dad looks at me with worry in his eyes, “And it’s definitely not something you should deal with alone.”
Before I can say anything, Daddy asks, “Do you know why they call you test-tube baby?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard the term before, I know what it means,” I say, not really sure why he’s asking.
Dad nods and says, “We were just thinking that now that you’re older that you might like to know more about how you came to be.”
I my eyes widen, for so long that topic had been kinda off limits. I’ve wanted to know for so long, I can’t believe they’ll finally tell me. Eagerly, I say, “I do, I’d really love to know.”
“Alright,” Daddy smiles, “We’ll have to start at the beginning.”
He looked down at me, “Why?”
“I just don’t want to,” I shrugged. I didn’t really want to answer.
“Alex, what are you not telling me?” my dad insists on getting the reason out of me.
“I just don’t like the people there,” I pause and look away, “They act like I’m some kind of freak.”
My dad rests his hands on my arms, “Listen to me Alex, you are no freak. You’re a normal and wonderful human being. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“It’s just that everyone stares at me and says there goes the test-tube baby. People think I’m weird just because I actually have two dads,” I spill all of what’s troubling me to my dad. I haven’t told him this before even though it’s been going on for a while.
“If anyone bullies you, you tell me because we’ll deal with this together. You understand that,” I’ve never heard my dad sound so serious. I just nod. I actually don’t know what to do about it. Because I’m in high school after all if anyone picks on me, it wouldn’t exactly help to have my dad come.
Just then my other dad comes home from work. “Hey Gee, hey Alex,” he comes in and sits down on the couch. Immediately, he can tell that something’s going on.
“Hey Frankie,” dad sits down next to him and kisses him before whispering in his ear. Daddy, that’s what I call Frank because it gets too confusing if I call them both dad, nods slowly and looks at me.
Cautiously, Daddy asks, “How bad are other people at school? Have they escalated at all?”
“No, they haven’t,” I say and both Dad and Daddy look extremely relieved.
“Bullying is no laughing matter,” Dad looks at me with worry in his eyes, “And it’s definitely not something you should deal with alone.”
Before I can say anything, Daddy asks, “Do you know why they call you test-tube baby?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard the term before, I know what it means,” I say, not really sure why he’s asking.
Dad nods and says, “We were just thinking that now that you’re older that you might like to know more about how you came to be.”
I my eyes widen, for so long that topic had been kinda off limits. I’ve wanted to know for so long, I can’t believe they’ll finally tell me. Eagerly, I say, “I do, I’d really love to know.”
“Alright,” Daddy smiles, “We’ll have to start at the beginning.”
Alright! so here's where the story starts! i intend for the next part to be a sort of flashback (that may last a chapter or two)
That being said, it's not written yet and I'll do my best to get it up soon!
Prologue; Enterlude: fav.me/d6y0eos
© 2013 - 2024 thebrilliant
Comments5
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You start and end off the story nicely. The beginning makes the reader ask "Why?" and the ending makes the reader want to flip to the next page, if they could.
"I my eyes widen, for so long that topic had been kinda off limits." --> "My eyes widen, for so long that topic had been off limits." I don't think you acutally meant "I my eyes", it was probably a typo or something. It's okay that you skipped that, sometimes you do as the writer. The next part of "kind off limits" is unclear. I mean, it's either off limits or not. There's usually no in between. If there's a reason you said "kinda off limits", then keep it that way, but otherwise don't. It leads to confusion.
As for the characters, they are very similar. No two characters should be too alike, and the character seem to merge into one. It may sound weird, but the way charatcer's talk should be different. If they aren't, then all the characters seem the same. It's like X, Y, and Z are all X. There's no basic difference. Though Alex's thoughts are very interesting, so he's a little bit different. You make a good effort, though.
Description. It makes everything more clear. For example, instead of "He sits on the couch." you can change it to "He sits, tired, on the leather couch." The descriptions helps the reader imagine more clearly. This isn't a movie, where you can see everything on the screen. A lot of people have this problem, so don't be too worried.
The idea of having two dads, being bullied at school, having a background the main character doesn't know about, making everything more interesting. The idea is fulfilling for a story. Continue writing~
"I my eyes widen, for so long that topic had been kinda off limits." --> "My eyes widen, for so long that topic had been off limits." I don't think you acutally meant "I my eyes", it was probably a typo or something. It's okay that you skipped that, sometimes you do as the writer. The next part of "kind off limits" is unclear. I mean, it's either off limits or not. There's usually no in between. If there's a reason you said "kinda off limits", then keep it that way, but otherwise don't. It leads to confusion.
As for the characters, they are very similar. No two characters should be too alike, and the character seem to merge into one. It may sound weird, but the way charatcer's talk should be different. If they aren't, then all the characters seem the same. It's like X, Y, and Z are all X. There's no basic difference. Though Alex's thoughts are very interesting, so he's a little bit different. You make a good effort, though.
Description. It makes everything more clear. For example, instead of "He sits on the couch." you can change it to "He sits, tired, on the leather couch." The descriptions helps the reader imagine more clearly. This isn't a movie, where you can see everything on the screen. A lot of people have this problem, so don't be too worried.
The idea of having two dads, being bullied at school, having a background the main character doesn't know about, making everything more interesting. The idea is fulfilling for a story. Continue writing~